boon's log 3805.02: In-flight entertainment

I was on my way down to Arizona and I booked myself on America West. I expected the flight to be quite un-eventful, as there is nothing much you can expect from a 2-hr domestic flight - until the flight attendant started speaking... as usual, you cannot make out half of what they are saying over the PA system... Anyway, she made sure we caught a few of them...

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"Please pay attention to Melissa. She is going to show you the flight safety procedures. She has spent a lot of time in school learning how to do this, and she is very good at it, top of her class, so please pay attention...

*while Melissa was working on the safety belt*

... (in a sexy voice) Ooo look at her go. Go Melissa, you show them!"

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"This is a Non Smoking flight. Do not try to smoke in the toilets because the air ventilation in the toilets is linked in the entire plane and all of us in the cabin will be able to smell it and know that you are smoking. However, when we have reached our final altitude, for customers who need to have a smoke, we do have our in-flight smoking section open for them - they are located at the tip-end of both the aircraft's wings. Please approach Melissa or myself if you need help getting there..."

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"In a moment, we will be serving some complimentary snacks... ... Melissa and I will be pushing the snack carts through the main aisle. If do not wish to lose any legs, arms, toes or any other extremities, we do strongly suggest that you stay in your seats behind the yellow lines, unless it is really necessary for you to move around..."

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"Ladies and Gentlemen, we have just landed at Phoenix Int'l Airport... ... ... On the contrary to popular believe, the seat pocket in front of you is not a rubbish bin. As we are taxing to the terminals, Melissa and I will be coming through the main aisle again to collect any unwanted items that you may have, such as plastic bags, laptop computers, crying kids (we had one on the plane), mother-in-laws, husbands, wives and teenage kids, etc..."

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It was quite entertaining having these unorthodox in-flight announcements... the last time I had another entertaining flight was on a United Air, the male flight attendant entertained the entire cabin by singing a few opera pieces. He was a great tenor. So great that he received a few encores after that...

boon out...